Contact Us

Citizens who have been issued credentials to the Great Camp Hexpansion Quest may occasionally need assistance, clarification, or someone to blame.

We cannot guarantee that our support agents are as useless as our competitors'.

Support Hours

Formal support is offered during our core hours of 08:51 to 08:53 inclusive. Queries outside this window may be answered in Welsh or Esperanto.

If your support agent appears suspiciously fluent, suspiciously confident, or suspiciously interested in your hexpansion coordinates, please ask them a question only a human would hate. Doughnut-based identity verification remains accepted.

Practically speaking, we may be asleep, on site, or desperately fixing the scoreboard. Please do not phone at unreasonable hours.

Contact Methods

Approved channels for contacting GCHQ.NET, listed in roughly descending order of usefulness:

• DECT / POTS: 4247
  Preferred for urgent hexpansion emergencies and mildly urgent biscuit logistics.
• Fax: Awaiting Camp
  Still the most secure transport for documents printed in Comic Sans.
• Fediverse / Mastodon: @GCHQNET@chaos.social
  For public praise, public complaints, and public proof that we are online somewhere.
• Carrier Pigeon: Deploy an RFC 1149-compliant pigeon. Birds arriving without correct headers will be returned to sender.
• Chaos Post: GCHQ.NET (DECT 4247) ; Wireless Way ; Electromagnetic Field 2026
  Allow 3-5 working festivals for a reply. Include your account name if you want a useful answer.
• Amateur Radio: 145.350MHz FM or SSB
• Shouting: Shout clearly toward our HQ. If you hear loud music in response, please treat this as a provisional receipt.